Let It Flood, Let It Ring
By Talia Bellia
It means that finally I won’t feel the pressure anymore to display myself as an empty fuckable body.
Whenever I’m in public near cis-masculinity, there’s always this scratched record twisted excuse for a melody:
“Look pretty for me baby, Dry your heart out so that all you are is a shell, twirl please. Get down on your knees. You’ve got to look nice while I’m watching. All you were meant for is to be my trophy. But I’ll ‘love’ you hunnie. Yes baby. Yes I will. Do it for me?”
Playing, in the back of my mind, it makes me shrink myself and tear myself into nothingness again, it makes me feel as though my only purpose is to be an agreeable happy empty, make room for him because that’s what they’ve told me I’ve got to do.
I’ve got to please. I never wanted to feel this way. Why would I ever want to feel this way? But it’s still there, in the back of my head. A melody from morning to bed.
It means that side effects of society feeding of my self esteem, the constant questioning of “Am I doing this for a man or me?" But I know I am doing this for me. I am doing this for me, but I don’t feel attached to my body. Why can’t I control this disbelief?
Am I doing this for a man or me?” would cease to repeat.
I am an independent feminist but sometimes what filtered into my brain makes me second guess and forget that expressing the truth on this pressure, this culture, this sadness, is one of the things that makes you feminist.
It means that I won’t feel guilty for loving anyone else but a man. When I fall for girls and non-binary, social conditioning reminds me than to a man belongs my body. The love I feel couldn’t be a reality because from day one I’ve been told to look good enough, act good enough, act like I only like the boys, so the boys will like me.
The cloudiness surrounding my assurance in my sexuality would be cease to be.
It means that I won’t have to be worried about being a femme ‘so bitchy’ that “A good fucking would fix her. She needs some dick and then she will be nicer.” About being ‘so prudish’ that I “view everyone less holy than me.” About loving sex ‘too much’ that I am “too slutty.” About me liking masturbating to be “too selfish, for my body is not my own to please”
Sexual Liberation Means to Me
That all view their bodies as the beautiful kingdoms they are, for all to know that they are supreme entity of the mountains, rivers, jewels, fire and hurricanes of all that they are and all that they will be.
For all to know that no one has the right to try to reign over another’s kingdom. It is not their own, nor will it ever be. For all to know that their decision of who they allow into their kingdom is a choice that’s nothing other than beautiful.
For their body is their body. They are the ruler of their land. And those who do not understand that are not worthy of their glory.
Sexual Liberation Means to Me
That “My Body, My choice” will be the anthem of the world. Let the power of those words flood and ring. It means that all will know the power in their choice, their heart, their kingdom and their voice. My body, my choice.
Do not be afraid to sing.
Let it flood, let it ring.